


My Life With You

by QueenGremlin



Series: The Thing About Jaskier and Geralt is They're in Love and Incredibly Stupid [4]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Again, Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Family Dynamic, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Uses His Words, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon's Parent, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Idiots in Love, Jaskier gets drunk, Jaskier wants to be included, M/M, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, dad geralt, dandy, domestic angst, mom yennefer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26416768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGremlin/pseuds/QueenGremlin
Summary: "Then it struck Jaskier that while Geralt indeed did love him, they were romantically tethered, but it was like their relationship, and Geralt’s family with Yennefer and Ciri were held entirely separate. They were still able to function as a family without him, and that made the thought of him not fitting in with them create a giant hole inside of his chest. He was torn from being happy with his relationship with Geralt, but still desperately wanting more."OrJaskier thought all he wanted in life was Geralt's love, but as it turns out there's something else he wanted even more. He wanted a family.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: The Thing About Jaskier and Geralt is They're in Love and Incredibly Stupid [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819198
Comments: 9
Kudos: 150





	My Life With You

My Life With You  
The Thing About Jaskier and Geralt is They're in Love and Incredibly Stupid: Part 4

After the vampire attack, Jaskier was left immobile for several days. Ordered to rest and not worry by everyone at the little party. While he was still in pain, head throbbing, and neck still sore from the fresh bite. He had actually felt like a godsdamned bird in the sky after hearing Geralt’s confession. He spent several nights whispering the words against Geralt’s lips and getting damn near giddy when the witcher said it back with a grin. He felt like he was on a cloud, floating, and unwilling to fall from the great height. Alas, he did fall. He crashed to the earth fast and hard, on fire, and not slowing down before he slammed into the ground. He was laid up in the inn room for most of his recovery, and during this time he’d watch Geralt come into the room with a big smile. Share a story of something he watched Ciri and Yennefer do. 

Then it struck Jaskier that while Geralt indeed did love him, they were romantically tethered, but it was like their relationship, and Geralt’s family with Yennefer and Ciri were held entirely separate. They were still able to function as a family without him, and that made the thought of him not fitting in with them create a giant hole inside of his chest. He was torn from being happy with his relationship with Geralt, but still desperately wanting more.

Jaskier tried to ignore it, once he was healed, and they began traveling again he tried to keep that edging feeling of not fitting in at bay. They camped every night in two tents and walked during the day. They would go into cities and towns and Jaskier would play for two rooms and if the innkeeper was kind they would get free ale and food. Jaskier liked it best when they found themselves in cities with markets and merchants where he could do a little bit of shopping. It was in cities where he felt less alone, less like an outcast, and it was where he truly fit in. All of that in spring, and he hoped that he was just adjusting to the adjustments of having Ciri and Yennefer around. 

They were in early summer now, the sun was warm on their skin, and it was so fucking hot all he could think about was diving into a cool lake. They had been walking since dawn. Geralt and Jaskier side by side Yennefer trailing behind, and Ciri mounted on Roach occasionally asking Geralt or Yennefer or even Jaskier questions. “How much longer?” Ciri whined. “I’m tired.”

“A while,” Geralt grunted as he continued to lead Roach. Jaskier glanced at his witcher and began to tuck his lute away.

“Why don’t we stop for a break,” Jaskier suggested. “Eat some, rest some, and continue when the heat subsides a bit.” Geralt glanced at Jaskier and how could he really deny him? He sighed and looked around for some shade for them to sit in. “How about over there?” Jaskier pointed to a cluster of trees. Geralt hummed and began to lead Roach over there, Jaskier wanted to just plop on the cool grass and become one with the Earth. Instead, he tended to Roach while Geralt and Yennefer tended to Ciri.

“We’ll take a break,” Geralt said.

“Perfect,” Yennefer nodded. “Ciri dear, we should go over your studies for a while.”

“Give her a break, Yen.” Geralt said as he dug around in his saddle packs for the fruit Jaskier had packed them all as snacks. Jaskier had started to wander off a little further into the shaded area admiring the flowers that were in bloom, yellows, purples, pinks, and white surrounding the fields. “Jask? Where are the fucking apples?”

“The fucking apples are in the left side pack, dear,” Jaskier called and crouched down to pick a few of the wildflowers just because they were so pretty. Geralt mumbled something under his breath as he walked to Roach’s other side, and Jaskier smiled to himself and created a bouquet of wildflowers. He was humming while creating his bouquet, so he didn’t hear the princess sneak up behind him until she bit into her apple. “Gods!” Jaskier jumped. “Sneaky one you are.”

“Apple?” She asked and crouched down next to him. “Are you picking flowers for Geralt?”

Jaskier laughed at that. “Maybe they’re for you,” Jaskier winked and plucked a buttercup from the field and tucked it in her hair. “Let this be a lesson if your partner never gives you a flower, then he is simply not worth your time.”

“I never liked flowers,” She said and bit into her apple. Jaskier took the unbitten apple from her hands and bit into it. “Do you like flowers?”

“Love ‘em. While I was studying in Oxenfurt, I used to sit in the courtyard and make flower crowns for pretty girls.” Jaskier said with his signature charming smile. “Used to write them sonnets and poems and ballads. I was quite romantic.” Jaskier sat down and crossed his legs and set the flowers in front of him and took another bite into his apple. Ciri hummed and looked around before picking a blue flower and tucked it behind Jaskier’s ear.

“Boys deserve flowers too,” She smiled with an affirming nod.

“That they do.” Jaskier tossed his apple core after he finished it, and Ciri decided to pick her own bouquet out from the wildflowers. It wasn’t often that Ciri and Jaskier wandered off from the others, but when they did Geralt could never keep the smile that grew on his face watching the two be so tender with each other. Jaskier always smiled the widest when he was able to keep her entertained, or when she talked to him about something other than magic or training.

“Look at you,” Yennefer mocked as she sat under a tree near where Geralt sat watching the two people that brought him the most joy play amongst the flowers. Geralt’s smile dropped and he glanced at the sorceress. “Smiling while watching your ward and bard. If I didn’t know you any better, I’d accuse you of having human feelings.”

“Hmm,” He hummed and looked back to the field watching Jaskier lean close to Ciri and adjust her placement of the flowers for the flower crown she was making. He could hear their conversation but wasn’t making an active effort to listen as he cleaned his swords. Yennefer chuckled and then sighed, catching the witcher’s attention again.

“I think he’s good for her,” She said. Geralt raised one eyebrow to her, and she slapped his arm and leaned against the tree, her eyes fluttering closed. “Gives her normalcy. Can’t imagine you teaching her how to make flower crowns or how to dance and play the lute.” Geralt looked up at the field again, Jaskier was placing the crown on her head, and laughing as Ciri placed the one she had made on his head. “He’s good for you too. I can tell that you care for him more than you’ve ever cared for me.”

Geralt hummed and focused back on cleaning his swords. It was quite clear that Geralt loved Jaskier more than any feeling he had toward Yennefer. Yennefer was a good sport about it, was never jealous, and never forced Jaskier away from Geralt or Ciri. Jaskier had his lute out now, showing Ciri chords to a basic song that would be no problem for even the most amateur lutenists. Geralt smiled again.

They waited around for about an hour, then Geralt was untying Roach, and Yennefer helped Ciri onto the saddle and Jaskier tucked his lute away standing near Geralt. The two talking in a hushed whisper. “We don’t have enough to buy a long stay,” Jaskier said. “The last town wasn't exactly rich with coin and didn’t take kindly to the assumed fact I was bedding a witcher.”

“This is a city, we’ll buy a night, and then you can perform as always. If not, then we camp. No different than always.”

Jaskier sighed, petting Roach’s snoot, and glanced toward Ciri who still proudly wore her flower crown, and he was going to go down that dangerous path of thought about where he belonged when he felt fingers under his chin tilting his face away. “She’s my daughter, let me worry about her,” Geralt said calmly. Jaskier bit his lip and stared at Geralt with wide eyes. He willed the tears from his eyes, and he nodded as he watched a smile grow on Geralt’s lips. “Like your crown, very fitting.” Jaskier laughed and welcomed the kiss that Geralt pushed against his lips.

“Cut it out!” Ciri whined shielding her eyes from her father and his lover, Jaskier stuck his tongue out at her, and Geralt smiled fondly at the two.

^

Traveling to the city was long and by the time city lanterns came into view Jaskier had worked himself into thinking about how he in fact didn’t fit with the trio. Geralt’s words echoing in his mind, ricocheting around in his brain, and a deep sadness pulling at his chest. He didn’t bother playing while they walked, didn’t bother talking or humming, but walked in silence next to Roach kicking at the occasional rock. When they finally reached the Inn he couldn’t help but sigh in relief at the thought of a soft bed, warm meal, shitty ale, and people throwing praise his way.

“I’ll be right back,” Jaskier said, but before he could get another step Geralt grabbed his arm looking at him earnestly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, love. Let me go, so I can do my job.” Jaskier smiled and leaned up kissing Geralt’s cheek before disappearing behind the inn doors.

The familiar scent of ale, sweat, and probably other bodily fluids welcomed him immediately, the buzz of chatter from the inn patrons, and the warmth from the day’s earlier heat still lingering around in the night air. Jaskier had an awful habit of walking around places like he owned it, and that was exactly how he walked up to the innkeeper behind the bar. “Excuse me,” Jaskier knocked on the counter.

“May I help you?” He asked. He looked bored with Jaskier’s company. Jaskier smiled brightly and leaned on the bar.

“Could I interest you in performances in exchange for two rooms and food?” Jaskier flashed that winner’s smile and the Innkeeper narrowed his eyes giving Jaskier a clear once over, and Jaskier relished in the attention and twirled. “So?”

“You’re that bard that travels with the witcher?” He asked. “Butcher of Blaviken?”

Jaskier tensed at the dreaded nickname, and fought the urge to argue away with his lute as he nodded and added with a charming smile, “Hardly a butcher, though.”

“Fine,” The Innkeeper nodded. “Play tonight and you have your rooms and food, and if you are as good as they say I’ll extend it. Fair?”

“Very! Thank you, I’ll start in a moment. Let me go grab my companions and freshen up.” Jaskier smiled. He opened the Inn door and waved the group in, Geralt first followed by Ciri and then Yennefer. “We’ve got the room for tonight and food, and if I do well tonight we’ll be able to stay as long as we please. Long as I perform.”

They all went to their perspective rooms, of course the girls sharing one, and the couple sharing the other. Jaskier was washing up in the basin that he ordered so he looked fresh and not like he had just walked all day. “Jask,” Geralt was sat on the bed behind Jaskier. “What’s wrong?”

“I told you,” Jaskier turned and cupped Geralt’s cheeks in his hands that were incredibly soft and still a little wet. “Nothing’s wrong.” He didn’t like lying to Geralt, but it was no use in whining about the inevitable. “Come down when you’re ready, I’m already late,” he pressed a kiss to Geralt’s forehead lingering a few moments before pulling away and going out the door with his lute in hand.

Like always, Jaskier was immediately able to capture the crowd’s attention. Singing familiar jigs for people to sing along with him, clap their hands, and stamp their feet. He sang his own songs, and he let his voice fill the room as he worked the crowd. He smiled at the pretty dames that swooned at his feet, and he winked at the gentlemen that were too drunk and wanted a pretty thing to bed.

He soaked up the attention, smirking, laughing, and singing with everything he had. He’d take a quick break only to rush over to the table, gulp some of Geralt’s ale down, and then he was back to the center entertaining the patrons. “Ciri,” Geralt murmured. “Time for bed.” Jaskier had been going on longer than his usual sets, and Ciri was already looking tired.

“Not even tired,” she complained. “Jask isn’t even done!”

“Ciri, listen to your father,” Yennefer warned. “Go on, bed.”

“You two are no fun!” Ciri huffed and sank down in the booth. Geralt heaved a sigh and matched her child-like glare. “Fine! Enough with the daggers!” She leaned over to Yennefer and kissed her cheek and then walked to Geralt’s side and did the same.

Meanwhile, Jaskier pretended not to see her leave without a goodnight to himself.

Geralt ordered another ale since Jaskier clearly drank half of his, and continued to watch his bard float through the room. It never ceased to amaze him how one man could love the attention of a stranger, could thrive off of interacting with a stranger, and he just knew that everyone in that crowd wanted him in one way or another. They couldn’t have him, no matter how willing Jaskier was to keep selling pieces of himself off. They couldn’t have him because Geralt already had it. He had his heart, soul, mind, and body.

“You’re a fool in love,” Yennefer commented. Geralt told her to shut up.

Eventually after several more songs Jaskier waltzed back over, sweat dripping from his hair, and a drunk like smile plastering his lips. “Done?” Geralt asked. He wanted nothing more than to drag the bard away to their room. It had been a long day and even the witcher felt like he was running on fumes.

Jaskier leaned down and kissed Geralt’s cheek. “Go on up, love. I still have a song, and then I have to do the rounds.” He kissed Geralt’s forehead. “Goodnight Yen.”

Just like that Jaskier was swallowed back into the crowd of people. At least they didn’t have to worry about food or room payment.

^

Hours after Geralt finally fell asleep, Jaskier stumbled into their room, and began to stumble all over himself taking his show clothes off. His boots were kicked off to the side, doublet unbuttoned and untucked, and the laces in his trousers untied. He rolled onto the bed with a heavy sigh, rolled until his chest hit Geralt’s scarred back, and immediately began to press lazy and sloppy kisses into his shoulder and neck. Geralt stirred a little rolling ever so slightly to look up at his clearly inebriated lover. “Hey handsome.”

“Are you drunk?”

“What?” Jaskier laughed a little too loudly. “No. Few kind sirs bought me some ale and something much harder. Not drunk though.” Jaskier was clearly very very drunk.

“I can smell it on you,” Geralt huffed. Jaskier only smirked at that. His eyes darkened a little and his hand wandered from the witcher’s belly to the hem of his braises. 

“What else do you smell?” Jaskier asked his voice husky with desire. Geralt only made a face and stopped Jaskier’s hand. “Can’t you smell how much I want you?”

“I’m not fucking you when you’re not explicitly able to give consent.”

“Geralt,” Jaskier whined. “I want you- no need you. This is me. Giving consent. Fuck me Geralt.”

“Jask,” Geralt sighed and rolled over to look his lover in his eyes. “You’re drunk, you’ll regret it, and I’m too tired anyway.”

“Let me then,” Jaskier nodded far too enthusiastically. “Let me make you feel good.” Jaskier’s hands went to the hem of Geralt’s undergarments. Geralt pushed him away. “Fine,” Jaskier huffed. “I get it. I get it. You don’t want me. I’m not a sexy, powerful sorceress, and you- you don’t have a child with me. I get it.” Geralt sat up suddenly alarmed at his bard’s accusation of not wanting him, and wanting Yennefer instead. That in itself was absurd considering if the bard wasn’t drunk he would’ve gladly let him have his way.

Jaskier was pouting, eyes watery, and an angry line between his eyebrows. He was breathing hard, and his heart was hammering so hard it was becoming the only thing Geralt could hear. “Now,” Geralt sighed and took Jaskier’s face into his hands. “You know I don’t want her. I want you, Jask. I’ve always wanted you. I’m not going to have sex with you because you’re drunk. As for Ciri, she loves you and Yen and I both are glad she has you.”

Jaskier sniffled and still had the crease between his eyebrows so Geralt kissed him there until it went away. “Go to bed now,” Geralt said softly. “Please.”

^

There was a loud pounding on the door, insistent, never ending. Maybe that was just his head. Jaskier moaned and snuggled closer to the witcher, his face pressed against Geralt’s shoulder, and he felt soft lips pressing against his forehead. “Come in.” Geralt huffed pulling the bard closer to him. Ciri burst into the room ignoring her father and his bard’s position and plopped on the bed. “Found a contract,” Ciri said almost breathlessly. “Sounds like only a few ghouls, so it should be no problem for us-”

“Us?” Geralt and Yennefer gasped in unison. Jaskier moaned again, turning from Geralt which caused the witcher to tear his eyes from Ciri so he could place a hand on Jaskier’s neck easing the tension that gathered there.

“You’ve gone mad if you think you’re going with him!”

“What?!” Ciri was too loud and Jaskier wanted to tell her to hush, but he understood it wasn’t his place to discipline her. “That’s not fair! I’ve trained for almost two years now!”

“You’re not ready.” Geralt’s voice was quieter, stern, and it was a tone Ciri knew not to argue with. Jaskier had his eyes closed, but he still listened and waited for Ciri to argue. She would. She was just as stubborn as her adopted father, and was every bit of a hot head as her adopted mother. He waited and prepared his aching head.

“I am too!” Ciri huffed. “I am ready! I’m not some infant! I can-“

“You won’t,” Yennefer said just as sternly.

“I love all of you dearly, but if you please could lower your voices just a smidge,” Jaskier huffed, flopping onto his back his show doublet messy from the previous night and unbuttoned enough for his chest hair to be shown off.

“Sorry, Jaskier.” Ciri mumbled shyly.

“Not your fault, dear. Poor decisions on my part, shouldn’t have let the man in green buy me so many tankards.” Jaskier waved a dismissive hand, and promptly ignored Geralt’s jealous glare.

Yennefer frowned and crossed her arms, if Jaskier’s head wasn’t so sore he would’ve noticed the way disapproval covered her features. Ciri suddenly was perking up. “Jaskier goes with you! He doesn’t have half the training I do!”

“I trained with Sophia,” Jaskier muttered. Geralt nudged his thigh to tell him he wasn’t helping.

“He goes with you!” Ciri crossed her arms mirroring Yennefer’s previous look, and Jaskier couldn’t help but to giggle causing Yennefer and Geralt to look at him warningly. Jaskier hadn’t meant to laugh at the situation, but Ciri was just so much like her parents. Geralt’s stern look in her eyes, but mannerisms and body language was all Yennefer. It hurt him. It made him long for a drink. There was no sign that he belonged in Ciri’s life, no evidence that he had helped raise her, and it cut him deeper than any dagger. He did love Ciri, he loved her like she was his own, and he always worked hard to assure her comfort on the road. He also understood it was not his place to raise her or tell her what to do.

“Well he’s an idiot,” Yennefer sneered.

Geralt gave Yennefer a heatless glare. Jaskier huffed dramatically, tossing the covers off his legs and got up and straightened out his entire. “You lot figure yourselves out. I will be in the tavern looking for something to get rid of this headache,” Jaskier huffed. He didn’t want to be in the room where he didn’t matter. Where they all talked too loudly, and made decisions without his input. He marched down to the tavern, looking like last night's whore, and plopped down in a booth far in the corner knowing the others would join him later and would want to be a bit secluded.

“Hey hun,” a woman grinned down at him. “Rough night?”

“Too much ale,” Jaskier groaned. “Annoyingly loud boyfriend and family.”

“Need some coffee?” She asked with a sympathetic look in her eyes. Jaskier appreciated it.

“Tea if you have it.”

“I’ll be back then.”

He was left alone, fingers kneading into his temples, and thoughts pushing their way through the pain to tell him he belonged else were from the witcher and his family. His mug of tea was sat down along with a little pitcher of milk and a small jar of sugar. He thanked the waitress and carefully prepared his tea.

It was warm, he placed it against his forehead, and sighed as the heat from his mug battled his headache. Then he brought it to his mouth and took a sip with a long sigh after. While he was enjoying his tea Ciri plopped down in front of him. “They treat me like a child!”

“You are a child,” Jaskier hummed.

“Jask! I am not! I’ve almost finished schooling with Mum and Ves. Even Uncle Lambert and Uncle Eskel have said I am capable of holding my own in a hunt!”

“Dear, they are your parents. They only worry for your safety.” Jaskier was calm and even as he gingerly sipped on his teamug. “As all parents do.” As do I, was what he really meant.

“Well, how old were you when you started traveling!”

“I was,” Jaskier thought fondly for a second. A smile pulled at his lips at the memory of his braveness for attempting to flirt with a witcher. “Eighteen. That being said, I didn’t have my parents to tell me not to follow a dangerous- albeit sexy -witcher.”

Ciri made a face that caused Jaskier to chuckle. “I know you are eager to grow up, and to prove to your father and mother that you can do it. Geralt hasn’t had real family before, and he just wants us to be protected. Why do you think I say behind now? Not because he told me to, but because if I were out there, he’d be too worried about me and get himself killed. I stay back because it keeps him safe and makes him feel good that he’s keeping me safe.” Jaskier sighed. “As for Yennefer, you are the single most thing that she has ever wanted in her entire life. She craved to be a mother, to have a baby of her own, and she never could no matter how hard she tried. It would destroy her if you died so young, so her need of keeping you safe is just that. She wants you alive and well.”

Ciri huffed and situated in her seat. “I’ve seen you with a sword, you and Dad spar and-”

“I indeed know my way around a blade, but not well enough to protect myself from a werewolf or striga. I’m not helpless, and neither are you.” Jaskier sipped his tea and leaned closer to drop his voice to a whisper. “Honest truth is, he isn’t ready, and he’s scared of letting you grow up too fast. He won’t admit it, but it comes from a place of love. When he is ready, when he’s sure, and when he is prepared, he will let you hunt with him. Just give the old man a break, eh?”

Ciri chewed on her cheek, her face sad, but thoughtful. She clearly was digesting Jaskier’s wise words, and carefully he leaned back and took another sip of his tea allowing it to warm his entire body. “I just don’t want to feel babied.” Ciri said after a minute of silence. “All I do is sit around and do nothing. Learn. Practice.” She sighed.

“I suppose your playing has greatly improved, hm?” Jaskier murmured. “Perhaps you’ll accompany me tonight? Sing a few songs with me, and I’ll let you keep half the coin we make tonight.” Ciri’s eyes lit up and her smile made the whole room brighter as she quickly swung around the table and hugged Jaskier tightly muttering “thank yous” over and over again. Perhaps she wouldn’t feel babied if she could have a bit of spending money, Jaskier seemed to be right about it by her outpouring of gratitude.

“Alright, alright. Easy, dear. Head is still sore.” Jaskier laughed gently patting her arm that was around his neck. He looked up to see Geralt and Yennefer approaching as he Ciri broke away.

“What’s all this?” Yennefer asked. “You seem excited.”

“Jaskier is letting me play with him tonight! Finally!” Ciri practically bounced in her seat. Yennefer stiffened and sat down freezing the entire table with her stare. Geralt only looked stoic, but Jaskier knew he was worried. Perhaps, he should have talked to them about it first. He just hated seeing Ciri so upset. Jaskier set his nearly empty mug on the table and turned to Ciri. “Off you go, get some breakfast, and then go practice for tonight.”

Ciri did exactly that as Geralt took her previous seat next to Jaskier. Jaskier waited. Jaskier waited for the inevitable lecture that was sure to come. She’s our daughter Yennefer would say. How dare you do this without speaking to us Geralt would say. “Performance?” Geralt asked. Jaskier sighed and nodded. “Is she ready for that? What if she gets booed off stage?”

“Builds character,” Jaskier answered easily. “We will comfort her, soothe any confidence blows, and more importantly encourage her to practice more and get her in front of people again.”

“What if she’s grabbed? Hm? Men are pigs- no offense -but they are worse when they’re drunk. What if she’s hurt? What then?”

“You say that as if I’d let that happen,” Geralt snarled.

“Or I,” Jaskier said. “I’ll keep a watchful eye on her, and of the different patrons that eye her at all. More so, their hand would be broken before they even laid a finger on her simply because that is the daughter you raised. She can take care of herself at least against a few measly drunkards.”

Yennefer hummed and lowered a glare at him, her glossy, black nails tapping against the wooden table. Her violet eyes trained on Jaskier as if she were working a spell on him, one that would melt his brain, and make his eyes fall from his skull. Geralt shifted in his seat, hand finding Jaskier’s thigh, and he looked pensive as if he wanted to say something. He didn’t.

“You don’t know,” Yennefer suddenly snapped. “what it is like having a daughter. You’ll never know!”

“Yennefer!” Geralt snapped. Jaskier took a deep breath and sighed. She was right, he would never have a child- even if he considered Ciri to be his own –she wasn’t his child where he could make these decisions for her.

“You’re right,” Jaskier nodded. “If you both would excuse me. I don’t think I’ll keep anything down, and the smell of food is nauseating me. I’ll retire to the chambers.”

Geralt was at an impossible position. His lover was clearly upset at what his ex/mother of his child had said. He was terrible at comforting the bard when he was upset, but he still knew he better go after his partner and at least try. That’s all Jaskier wanted- that was a long argument and conversation that he really didn’t want to have to relive. So he sighed and followed Jaskier up to their room, and waited until the bard was ready to break the silence.

It wasn’t long after the door shut that Jaskier plopped down and heaved a large sigh. “What am I to you?” He looked at Geralt with eyes that screamed about sadness, and Geralt didn’t know what to do or how to answer.

“I thought-” Geralt stitched his eyebrows together. Trying to force the words out of his throat, but only getting fragments of his thoughts “you’re my- uhm.”

“No, love. I know that- we are partners- boyfriends-lovers- what have you. Obviously I am in this until the day I take my last breath, but I wonder where I fit into your family. Am I just your lover and that’s all there is to me? Occasionally a means of pay?” Jaskier leaned forward until his elbows rested against his knee. Geralt knew it was his turn now, his turn to comfort his bard, but the words again were caught in his throat.

“You’re not,” Geralt shook his head. “You are part of this family.” The words came out easier. He hoped they added comfort despite his gravel-like voice. Jaskier heaved a bigger sigh, and Geralt knew his partner well enough to know his tells of when he’s holding back tears. Geralt crossed the room and fell to his knees in front of Jaskier. He took Jaskier’s hands in his own larger, scarred ones, and brought them to his lips. Jaskier only gave a watery smile. 

“You say that, and yet you keep us separate. On one hand, you have me, the man you care of, bed, and love. On your other hand you have Ciri and Yen. Family. It just feels like you don’t want to clap your hands together and integrate us.” Jaskier sighed, bit his lip, and looked away from Geralt’s amber eyes. He felt foolish for saying that to Geralt because what could Geralt really do? 

“I love you, Jask. You know that.” Geralt said earnestly. 

Jaskier hated how much those words from Geralt always hit him square in the chest, knocking every ounce of air from his lungs, and swirling around his heart to make it beat just a little faster. It always made his cheeks heat, and made a smile crawl it’s way to his face. Jaskier pulled his hands out of his partner’s and cupped his cheeks. Fingers gently scratching against Geralt’s stubble. “I know, dear. But can’t you see? I love you more than you love me- let me finish -I’ve come to terms. I could never ask you to love me more than you love your own daughter. I know you don’t love me more than Yen.”

“Jaskier.”

“You’ve still got your bond. Her life tethered to yours, and no matter how hard you try to ignore it a piece of your heart will always go to her; will always want her. That’s okay, love. Either way my point stands, your heart is split in three, and it’s impossible for you to love me with all of it.” Jaskier tasted salt on his lips which was a clear indicator that the tears he desperately wanted to keep escaped without his knowledge. “You all have the typical family dynamic. Mother, father, and child. I don’t fit in that dynamic, I’ve always thought of Ciri as my own, but Yen was right. I’m not her parent.” Jaskier wiped his eyes and sniffled as he slumped forward. “I have no idea why I’m even telling you this. It’s not like you can fix it.”

Geralt didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know how to make Jaskier feel important and needed. He wished there was a potion or some sort of spell that he could give Jaskier so he could hear his thoughts or see him the way Geralt had always seen him. Strong, stubborn, brave, and incredibly beautiful. Geralt never understood how he kept his heart so open, available for any bastard to take it and crush it, and Geralt knew he had been one of those people that took advantage of Jaskier’s heart and kindness. Still, even with all his effort he was still indirectly hurting Jaskier. “Tell me what you want,” Geralt said. “Please, Dandy. Let me try to make it better.”

“I don’t know, Geralt. I just want to feel included when it comes to Ciri? It feels like you all talk around me, and I just wanna feel like I have a say.” Jaskier sighed. He immediately regretted the words as soon as the look of confusion glossed over Geralt’s face. Before the witcher could say anything that would widen the hold in his chest. He stood up and grabbed his lute. “Nevermind all of that, uhm, Ciri is surely waiting for me. It’s alright she performs with me right? I think it’ll do her good, make her feel older by being able to earn her own coin.”

“I- I uh well I guess that makes sense,” Geralt nodded. “I know you’ll protect her.”

“With my life. Same as you. I’ll see you in a bit then,” Jaskier quickly kissed his cheek and was out the door within the next minute. Geralt’s head was spinning, Jaskier’s words swimming in his head, and he wanted to scream and punch something. Of course, Jaskier felt unwanted. It was like puzzle pieces coming together. Jaskier’s drunk begging for Geralt, and then sulking after being denied. His quiet moods. He didn’t know- didn’t realize just how important he was. He needed to fix it. He needed to talk to Yennefer.

Geralt went back to the tavern to find Yennefer sitting across from a man, her right leg crossed over her left, the slit in her dress falling open revealing her tanned legs, and she was leaning a little over the table with her chin in her hand. Violet eyes bored but full of lust.

Geralt stalked over to her. “We need to talk,” he stated flatly. She glanced up at him.

“We’re talking here,” the man huffed and Geralt glared at him.

“I’m afraid our conversation will have to continue later. I’ve offended the witcher’s lover, so I suppose he’s here to ask me to atone and apologize for it. I won’t by the way.”

The man huffed and stomped away allowing a seat for Geralt. “You need to apologize to Jaskier.”

“Geralt he was putting our child in danger!” Yennefer glared. “I’m only doing what a mother does, and-”

“Jaskier thinks he isn’t a part of the family- our family. He’s upset, Yen. I love him, and I want him in Ciri’s life.”

“She has a mother and father,” Yennefer stated. “I’m not trying to be harsh, and I do think he’s good for Ciri. He’s a good friend. We are her parents, and he’s just your boyfriend.”

“He acts like a parent, and I really do think we should include him on decisions when it comes to Ciri.”

Yennefer looked away, a thoughtful expression on her face as she thought about Geralt’s words. “He is rather good, isn’t he?” She asked. Geralt hummed in agreement. “We’ll talk about it more? With Jaskier and Ciri. He is part of this family, and as much as I hate to admit it- I’ve grown attached to the bugger.”

^

Ciri performed beautifully next to Jaskier. Smile wide on her face as she danced around the tavern under Jaskier’s watchful eye. He even let her sing a song by herself as he played the lite for her, and the patrons ate it up. Ciri finished her last song and went back to her parents with a wild smile, and watched with bright eyes as Jaskier finished out the show.

Just as Jaskier had predicted, Ciri handled herself well moving out of reach of any suspicious drunkards (and if Jaskier waltzed by after and stomped on their foot then who really had to know?) By the end of the night Jaskier was sweaty with a flushed face, and Ciri was the happiest she had been in a while.

“Now he comes to the most important part,” Jaskier said as he sat down next to Geralt. A few people began to make their way, Jaskier greeted them and Ciri smiled brightly, and when they left Jaskier gave her some more advice about smiling and being polite and how it always gets more coin.

Geralt knew that flirting also got more coin, but appreciated Jaskier didn’t tell her that bit. He realized that Jaskier had been right about Ciri being happy to make her own coin. If Ciri’s smile was anything to go by, Jaskier had done the right thing letting her perform with him.

^

Geralt fell next to Jaskier, his limbs suddenly heavy, and the room frequented with the smell of sex and sweat. Jaskier rolled over and tossed a leg over Geralt and rested his head on his chest. They laid in each other’s heat as the thrum of their hearts found a normal synchronized rhythm to beat to. “Jesus,” Jaskier sighed. “Don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

“What?” Geralt chuckled as his fingertips gently brushed long strokes up and down Jaskier’s arm.

“Making love to a big, sexy witcher,” Jaskier grinned and kissed Geralt’s collarbone. “Easily the best bed partner I’ve ever had.”

Geralt let out a huff of air, a small laugh that filled Jaskier’s bones with a hard satisfaction. He made the big scary witcher laugh, and nobody else did (well besides Ciri and the occasional snort toward Yen). Geralt wrapped his arm tighter around his heart- his Jaskier. “Have a contract tomorrow.” Geralt said.

“Good. Be safe, yeah? Take Yen?”

“I can take care of myself,” Geralt huffed. “But yes. Yen will come.”

Jaskier kissed his cheek and settled down in his witcher’s arms. Geralt kissed the top of his head. Sleep licked at them and eventually they both succumbed to it.

^

Jaskier looked around the tavern. Trying to spot bright eyes and blonde hair, and he thought about standing on a chair and calling her name. Geralt had left early in the morning with Yen, told to keep an eye on Ciri, and he was doing just that. He was letting her sleep in, heavens knew that her parents never let her, but now it was past noon and she still wasn’t up.

So, he checked on her. To his surprise she wasn’t in her room. Worry struck him hard and fast, like lightning to a steel rod, and he began searching. He was already hanging on to the thread of a family- if Yennefer found out he lost her only daughter. Surely she’d put his head on a pike.

He rushed into the streets, groaning as the rain fell on him like a sheet, and soaked him almost immediately to the bone. Could this day get any worse?

^

Ciri knew she was breaking the rules. She knew that Jaskier was probably worried sick, but she wanted to go on one hunt. She was ready. She could handle a few measly ghouls, and besides she had the level of surprise. She watched as her father effortlessly leapt into the air swinging his sword in practiced motions, and her mother tossed magic and glowed with power. She wanted to be there, wanted to feel her power thrum in her, and wanted to watch as she finally stepped into her witcher duties.

She leapt out from behind a rock, her sword held tightly in her hand, and she ran to the first ghoul she saw. Geralt and Yennefer are too occupied with their own ghouls. She blipped around and struck the beast with practiced motions. Part of her wanted to call attention to it- to show her parents that she could in fact do it. She blipped and then it was like the air was being pushed out of her. The ghoul had caught her, and it was squeezing her- crushing her. With a last puff of air, she did what she could. She screamed.

^  
Jaskier was in full panic mode by sunset. He checked all over the market, asked people repeatedly, and did everything he knew how to locate her. It didn’t feel right. “She’s young, blonde, bright eyes.”

“Yes, Bard. So, you’ve said. I’m sure she will show up.”

“You don’t understand! My partner and his ex, have a perfect little family with this little girl, and I barely fit in. If he finds out that she ran away under my watch-”

“He’ll see you are just like any other parent?” The barmaid asked. She tilted her head to the side, gray hairs falling into her face, and wrinkles by her eyes giving away to a story of a long happy life. “My daughters and sons constantly ran away without my notice. Always showed up around dinner to earn a lecture from their father.”

Jaskier fell onto the bar stool with a sigh. “I’m not her parent,” He said. “She has a father and a mother-”

“Do you love her?” She asked. Jaskier nodded. “Do you want her to succeed in life?” Again, Jaskier nodded. “I assume you pray for her safety, and do what’s in your power to keep her safe?”

“I do. I care for them all. I’d walk- I have walked -to the ends of the earth for them. Climb the largest mountain if it meant my partner and his daughter walked away from their paths.”

“Sounds like a father to me? No?”

Jaskier sighed. The tavern door swung open, a furious looking witcher, and Jaskier prepared for the blow. Apologies spilling from him before Geralt could even reach him. “Geralt! I’ve lost Ciri, I assume she ran to catch up with you? Judging by your anger. I’m sorry! I only meant for her to rest for a while longer since we had been traveling so extensively! I-”

“Dandy,” Geralt sighed. It was then that Jaskier suddenly realized that something was wrong, Geralt looked as if he was about to cry, and that struck a lightning bolt of fear through Jaskier’s entire body. “Ciri was hurt. A ghoul. I-”

Jaskier wrapped his arms around Geralt and held onto him. Partially he wanted to comfort Geralt because he knew the witcher was overwhelmed with worry and fear, but he was also selfishly holding onto Geralt because he needed something to tether him to reality. Ciri was hurt and he needed to be the one to drag Geralt away. “Where is she?”

“Healer with Yennefer.”

“Let’s go.”

The healer’s small hut wasn’t far from the tavern. Unfortunately, it was very small. While Ciri was unconscious only one person could be with her at a time, and Jaskier only thought it fit if he let her parents worry over her. He stayed on the porch, in an all too familiar situation, and bit at his thumb while he waited for news.

Guilt washed over him as he paced the small length of the porch, and he tried to push it down while he waited for more news. “Stop biting,” Geralt grunted. “Fucking hell! Stop fucking pacing too!”

Jaskier spared a glance at Geralt. He stopped pacing and sat down near the steps and pulled in on himself. “I’m sorry.”

Geralt made a soft sound as he moved from the chair he was hunched over in and sat down next to Jaskier. “For?”

“Shoulda watched her closer,” Jaskier shook his head. “I promised to protect her.”

“From grabby patrons, not ghouls. Jask,” Geralt sighed. “She disobeyed the rules, disobeyed you. It’s not your fault.”

Jaskier leaned on Geralt, and Geralt wrapped an arm around him and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “She’s young and broke the rules and got hurt while doing it. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done. If anything, maybe Yen and I should have listened to her. At least if we knew she was there we could have prevented it.”

Jaskier sighed and pressed a kiss to Geralt’s jaw only to rest his head against his chest. He let the slow thump of Geralt’s heart, and he tried to force his heart to match it. “Is Yen mad?”

“Not at you.”

The door opened and the couple quickly turned in hopes for good news. It was only Yen, she looked tired, worried, and sad. Once again Jaskier fought the urge to babble off apologies. “She’s stable. Healing quickly but sleeping.”

Geralt detached himself from Jaskier and stood. “I’ll be quick,” Geralt grunted. “So you can see her too.”

“Don’t worry,” Jaskier waved him off.

With Geralt gone the air grew thicker, and again Jaskier found himself waiting for the heated lecture from Yennefer. Expected her to flick her wrist and send him into agonizing pain. His body tense, his hands shook, and he waited for the pain that would never come. “She will be alright,” Yennefer broke the silence. “So you can relax. You’re giving me a headache with your tense energy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” She shrugged. “Our girl is too stubborn for her own good, and this time she got hurt.”

Our girl. Jaskier swallowed over the thick lump that formed in his throat. Guilt was still licking at his feet, and gods he just wanted someone to finally kick him out of the little group. “I can leave,” he said, casting a shy look at Yennefer. “Go to Oxenfurt. Heard they needed a professor, and I did it once before so I could do it again.”

Yennefer grunted. “Is that what you want, Bard?”

“Well- no-”

“Then why did you bring it up?” She asked. “Listen, I may never sing your praises. I will never cheer you on at some bard competition. I will never claim to know you when someone brings up the great White Wolf’s bard. I may think your songs are- undeserving of the praise they get.”

“Gee....kick a man while he’s down.”

“Let me finish.” She sighed and sat down next to Jaskier. Gently she placed her palm against his cheek. “I do know what it’s like to not fit in- especially with family. I know that kind of hurt,” She moved her hand to his chest. “The one that lays here. It aches. Constantly. Demanding to be felt and needing to be wanted. Geralt loves you, Ciri loves you, and I tolerate you. Let this ease your pain, you can go to Oxenfurt and convince yourself to be happy. But Ciri, Geralt, and I would drag you right back here. Home. With us. You belong with us. You are just as much as a parent to Ciri as I or Geralt.”

Jaskier for once in his life was at a loss for words. He could only stare at her with wide, blue eyes. So, she pulled her hand away and looked away. He thought she looked stunning from a side profile, and he knew her beauty would be the type that artists painted, poets wrote about, and musicians tried to recreate with melodies. “What I said,” she started. “Before. About you not having a daughter. I lied. I said it because I felt threatened. I was angry. It wasn’t true. You give Ciri things Geralt and I struggle with. You teach her empathy and sympathy. How to find strength in emotion. You are good for her.”

Jaskier wanted to hug Yennefer. Only, he knew she’d probably send him flying even if he tried. “Thank you,” He said.

“That all being said,” Yennefer moved away from Jaskier and sat down in the rocking chair. “You’re far too easy on her. You let her walk all over you, Bard.”

Jaskier gasped and went to defend himself when he caught the small smile on Yennefer’s lips. Instead he slumped and looked up at her rather hopefully. “She’s okay?”

“Just fine.”

^

A few hours later when Geralt and Yennefer came out again from the house they wore light smiles. “She’s asking for you.” Geralt said. Jaskier was on his feet and rushing in as fast as humanly possible.

“Princess!” He grinned at her. “You gave me quite the fright.”

“I’m sorry.” She huffed. “I should’ve never left.”

Jaskier sighed and sat in the bed next to her. “You were just eager to prove yourself. Have I ever told you about the time I nearly cut my arm off trying to prove to my father wrong?” Ciri giggled and shook her head. Jaskier was about to launch into the story when Geralt cleared his throat behind them.

“Dandy? A moment?”

“Be right back, love.”

Outside Jaskier stood beside Geralt in front of Yennefer. “We want you to be a part of this conversation,” Yennefer said. Jaskier’s heart began to beat just a little harder. “I want to take Ciri back to my place and then to Kaer Morhen when she’s all healed up. Her skills with a sword are nearly excellent, but her magic could still use some work.”

“Hmm,” Geralt hummed and looked toward Jaskier. “What do you think?”

“We can’t stay here much longer, and she needs to heal up somewhere stable,” Jaskier said. “I also think she needs more practice. Maybe you could do smaller contracts too? Around your place? Or when Geralt and I pass through she could go on a small contract. We can’t stop her from her destiny- or stubbornness to listen to us. Better she attends contracts when we know she’s actually there.”

Yennefer nodded and Geralt hummed in agreement. And just like that it was decided. Ciri would go home and heal, but when Geralt and Jaskier made their way through to the village Yennefer lives. Geralt will take Ciri on a small contract to get her more real life training. Jaskier bit back a smile, his heart fluttered, and his head felt a little dizzy. He had made the decision with them. He was included. He felt like an actual parent, and that gaping hole that was left in his chest was suddenly filled, and all he could do was let the love surround him in its warm embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO! 
> 
> Fun Fact! I had actually had this part written for a while- but wrote part 3 because I decided that Geralt saying I love you for the first time to Jask needed to be its own part and not some measly flashback! So, with a bit of rewriting and editing poof part three was written and part four was revised. 
> 
> In other news: This series will be paused for a little while (a very short while) I am working on a gift for a friend. It is a heavy-duty fic. A series with each part at least 5k words with 5 parts (25k words in total) So I will be putting all my energy into that for the next few weeks.
> 
> THAT BEING SAID.....Part five of this series IS written just needs to be edited. SO if I have time to do that when taking a break from the commissioned series then part 5 will be posted. 
> 
> Either way, I will be posting just maybe not this series (for a very short while)
> 
> Hope you all are well and staying safe! xx -QG


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